Titus the dog is driving a bus crammed to the gunnels with all shapes and appetites of animals. Check here for links to other bestial passengers and here for the prompts and suggestions.
I chose the panther and adapted a poem I already had. I think the suggestion of Bodmin Moor type visitors makes it stronger. Thanks for the nudge, Titus.
By the Pricking of My Thumbs
Taken down now for rework. Thanks for all the lovely comments
Scarily good !
ReplyDeleteYour poem grabbed me .. I read it several times, liking it more with each reading. Eejit is right ... it's scary.
ReplyDeleteEerie alright, a tension filled journey - the questions worked especially well I thought
ReplyDeleteOoh yes, it does bother me. Brilliant build, and the rhymes of the penultimate verse work so well (you think you know where it's going) before the twisted final verse and
ReplyDelete'It is not they who claw through your bins,
for numbers, dates, addresses,
...'
So basically, great beginning, middle and end. Liked it a lot.
And if I could use this in the artist's book project I'd be really grateful. If it's a yes, e-mail me at TitusmckayATaolDOTcom with the name you'd like it to appear under. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks. I think you should read it again in a darkened room. Scary is what I was aiming at
ReplyDeleteThe line about 'numbers, dates, addresses' I found didn't sit well with the animal theme, though it surely worked fine in the original poem which wasn't written specifically for Titus' Bus... Maybe you could have done a slight re-adjustment, to keep the scary animal threat going, rather than having a two legged animal implied by the words? I loved the air of manace, though...
ReplyDeleteThose black cats seem to be everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI like the human / animal riddle actually.
I like the thought of them clawing through bins...digging up what we leave as garbage...or hope to bury. :)
ReplyDeleteRaised the bristles at my nape and no mistake!
ReplyDelete'Did you lock the back door? Are you sure?' Favourite line, real scary!!!
ReplyDeleteOh EW, that was bloody scary!
ReplyDeleteI think the numbers, dates and addresses lends the whole thing a very eerie and unexpected twist. Scarily good stuff.
ReplyDeleteI think if you keep on at this standard you will certainly get published.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone. I'm in two minds about the numbers, addresses lines.
ReplyDeleteAnd Dave, nape is a super world. May have to purloin
Very scary poem,I read it several times, and I do wonder what
ReplyDeleteis making that noise in the night.
Where I live it is the Owls, Coyotes, Mountain Lions, Bob Cats and Javelina that go bump in the night.
cheers, parsnip
Good one! You well deserve the offer of a place in Titus's volume.
ReplyDeleteOoh, excellent! Bone-chilling, and although it is meant to be a panther, you have me recalling "American Werewolf in London".
ReplyDeleteNice touches with the cat under the bed and the bin-thieves. I loved the "chink" line.
Kat
Thanks. IS a werewolf scarier than the beast of bodmin moor?
ReplyDeletewow! what fabulous tension. I'm going to have to double-check my locks tonight!
ReplyDeleteI seriously got the chills reading this! Dog barking, cat hissing. It's all there - a good scare and a brilliant ending!
ReplyDeleteWell, I won't be taking my trash out after dark tonight! But it's not just scary, it's a really great poem besides.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nanu, Muse and Bug. Check your locks and underneath your bed tonight.
ReplyDeleteWhat fine, sinister, elegant writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Oak. Sinistre is something to aspire to.
ReplyDelete