Sunday, 3 April 2011

Poetry Menagerie Bus


Titus the dog is driving a bus crammed to the gunnels with all shapes and appetites of animals. Check here for links to other bestial passengers and here for the prompts and suggestions.

I chose the panther and adapted a poem I already had. I think the suggestion of Bodmin Moor type visitors makes it stronger. Thanks for the nudge, Titus.

By the Pricking of My Thumbs

Taken down now for rework. Thanks for all the lovely comments

25 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

Scarily good !

Helen said...

Your poem grabbed me .. I read it several times, liking it more with each reading. Eejit is right ... it's scary.

Niamh B said...

Eerie alright, a tension filled journey - the questions worked especially well I thought

Titus said...

Ooh yes, it does bother me. Brilliant build, and the rhymes of the penultimate verse work so well (you think you know where it's going) before the twisted final verse and
'It is not they who claw through your bins,
for numbers, dates, addresses,
...'

So basically, great beginning, middle and end. Liked it a lot.

Titus said...

And if I could use this in the artist's book project I'd be really grateful. If it's a yes, e-mail me at TitusmckayATaolDOTcom with the name you'd like it to appear under. Thanks!

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks. I think you should read it again in a darkened room. Scary is what I was aiming at

Jinksy said...

The line about 'numbers, dates, addresses' I found didn't sit well with the animal theme, though it surely worked fine in the original poem which wasn't written specifically for Titus' Bus... Maybe you could have done a slight re-adjustment, to keep the scary animal threat going, rather than having a two legged animal implied by the words? I loved the air of manace, though...

Peter Goulding said...

Those black cats seem to be everywhere.
I like the human / animal riddle actually.

hope said...

I like the thought of them clawing through bins...digging up what we leave as garbage...or hope to bury. :)

Dave King said...

Raised the bristles at my nape and no mistake!

120 Socks said...

'Did you lock the back door? Are you sure?' Favourite line, real scary!!!

Domestic Oub said...

Oh EW, that was bloody scary!

Argent said...

I think the numbers, dates and addresses lends the whole thing a very eerie and unexpected twist. Scarily good stuff.

Doctor FTSE said...

I think if you keep on at this standard you will certainly get published.

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks everyone. I'm in two minds about the numbers, addresses lines.
And Dave, nape is a super world. May have to purloin

angryparsnip said...

Very scary poem,I read it several times, and I do wonder what
is making that noise in the night.

Where I live it is the Owls, Coyotes, Mountain Lions, Bob Cats and Javelina that go bump in the night.

cheers, parsnip

Lucy Westenra said...

Good one! You well deserve the offer of a place in Titus's volume.

Kat Mortensen said...

Ooh, excellent! Bone-chilling, and although it is meant to be a panther, you have me recalling "American Werewolf in London".
Nice touches with the cat under the bed and the bin-thieves. I loved the "chink" line.

Kat

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks. IS a werewolf scarier than the beast of bodmin moor?

NanU said...

wow! what fabulous tension. I'm going to have to double-check my locks tonight!

MuseSwings said...

I seriously got the chills reading this! Dog barking, cat hissing. It's all there - a good scare and a brilliant ending!

The Bug said...

Well, I won't be taking my trash out after dark tonight! But it's not just scary, it's a really great poem besides.

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks Nanu, Muse and Bug. Check your locks and underneath your bed tonight.

Enchanted Oak said...

What fine, sinister, elegant writing.

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks Oak. Sinistre is something to aspire to.