Monday, 7 September 2009

In the Teepee, late

I watch the two girls through the smoke,
their faces both old and young;
they sit, legs stretched, warming their socks at the fire,
they six o'clock to my twelve.
Curl-head leans forward like a minute hand,
lithe and tired in the one movement.
Long-hair strokes her back,
runs strong fingers from her waist
up, over her shoulders,
tap tap tapping the length of her arm
to flick bad spirits away through her hands.
She smiles, smug and serene,
sips her chai
and waits her turn.

Late (again) for TFE's exercise. Forgot it was Monday. Many brain cells left in a muddy field in Stradbally.


Totalfeckineejit said...

I really like it EW surely captures the moment and the passing fleeting sensation of time, sure we were all young once and will all be old.was I the only person in the worls NOT at Stradbally? Computer screens a bit blurry at this stage, hope that made sense.Thanks again for joining in,im amazed and delighted at the response,there is some genuinely good stuff going on and I'd love to think it only exists in this instance because of the assignment/task/prompt/catalyst -whatever it is,that would be/is a real buzz, it's almost better than writing your own.

Niamh B said...

Yep, you're good at these aren't you? I thought when I saw the mention of teepee you were gonna pick the wristbandless guy who almost roasted his toes while asleep.

Ah the memories

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks guys. I tried the sleeping guy but he didn't do anything so I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a good enough poet .

Eryl Shields said...

I really like this, the way you keep the thread of 'time' running through it so there's a sense of this being just a moment.

Titus said...

Yep, I like it too - notion of time played with and the two girls defined just enough. Good.

NanU said...

I like the way these women could be anyone, young or old, and yet they're specifically who they are with their curly and straight hair. Wonderful blending of Everywoman and Thesewomen.

P Nolan said...

Nice one EW - I can smell the woodsmoke (as I bet you still can?)

the watercats said...

She sounds like the perfect teepee character.... all hushed and young and free.. Really touchingly observed :-D

Emerging Writer said...

Thanks everyone.
PJ - I'll have you know I've showered and smell of roses!